Callings, Releasings and Answers to Prayers

So the week before Mother's Day I was released as Young Women's President. I'd been in that calling for the last 2 years and I have truly loved every minute of it! I have been through a lot the past few weeks as I've mourned the loss (quite literally) of that calling. It was certainly an emotional transition for me! I had no idea how difficult it would be to be released. When I was set apart I was promised that the Lord would help me find balance in my life with my new calling and my growing family (we had just found out that we were expecting Nathan when I was called). And He really did! I somehow managed to keep on top of my responsibilities as mother and wife and kept up on housework, bills, errands, shopping, cooking and had time to spend with the kids and watch my friends kids for them and do visiting teaching and on and on! I was certainly not PERFECT in any of these areas but I was able to do it all. The Lord helped me balance. I was so worried that when I was released that balance wouldn't be there anymore. I just knew that as soon as the responsibilities of YW President were taken away, everything would fall apart. And they kind of did, for a few days, but it was mostly because I let things go. I felt like I was going through a small scale depression and didn't know how to cope with it. I really had a chance to do some soul searching and reaffirm my knowledge that I was important and needed even though I wasn't the YW President anymore. I loved those girls so much and felt like I was helping them to come to know who they are as daughters of God and realize the importance and significance of that. I knew that what I was doing was making a difference in their lives and hopefully in the lives of their families and future families. I gave everything to this calling and put my whole heart into it and I think that's part of the reason it was so hard not to be with them anymore. It's very much like loosing a loved one. You know the plan of salvation. You know that it's Heavenly Father's will. You know that everything is in His hands and you trust him... but it still hurts. Does that make sense?

So many people asked me if I was relieved to be released from such a big calling and if I felt like I had my life back again and so much free time. But it's really been quite the opposite. I feel like I'm having to find my life again. Like I need to find my place and realize (again) the importance of my role as mother and wife. That truly is the most important calling I will ever be given in this life. My influence on my children is far more than it was with my girls. I feel like as I was in this calling the Lord helped me to be super woman and do it all. I was able to spend time with my kids, but it was less time, the Lord just helped me magnify that time with them so it really counted and was good quality time. I have loved having more time with them to read MORE books and play MORE barbies and do dance parties in the living room and wrestle and play tag and hide and seek. But at the same time it's hard because I went from a calling where I was hearing a lot of thank you's and feeling so much appreciation (whether from the girls, their parents, the Bishopric, or the stake) to a calling as mother where I get not so much of that! I change diapers and clean up messes and do a lot of disciplining and I hear a lot of complaining and whining and not so kind things sometimes. And I've had to realize that this calling doesn't always have immediate results or immediate praise. I do it because I love it and I love them, not because I love the praise and payment I get from it, because most of the time there isn't any. There are wonderfully blissful moments of hugs and kisses and 'I love you mom' and 'When I grow up I want to be just like you' and 'you're the best mom in the world'. And I have to let those carry me through the bitter comments that they make when the world is not fair!

I had the chance to go to Women's Conference at BYU last month and it was such a great experience. While I was waiting in line for a class on teaching your children to work, I actually stood by Susan W. Tanner (the former General Young Womens President). No one around me recognized her and so I was able to completely monopolize her attention! I told her that I was just released after 2 years as YW President for our ward. She reached out and grabbed my hands and said with sympathy in her eyes, "How are you doing?". She understood what it felt like and we were able to spend the next 5 minutes discussing how we are dealing with each of our losses and what we've found to be helpful for us. It was such a neat experience and a direct answer to prayers and I knew that Heavenly Father had provided me with this opportunity so that I could draw strength from her and her experience. What a blessing!

Just last week I received my new calling as the CTR 5 Teacher (that's Maddie's class). I'm really excited about it. I've haven't been a primary teacher yet so this should be fun! And Madeline is so excited to have me all 3 hours of church now! These kids are sponges! I love it because they have such faith! They absolutely KNOW that whatever you say is true. And as I bear my testimony to them, they feel it. I'm excited to be Madeline's teacher and I think that is an answer to prayers as well. Though we do a lot of gospel teaching at home the kids seem to get distracted by other things and it seems to come in fleeting moments. In church they know that they are there to sit and listen and learn about the Savior. They know that they won't be playing outside or eating snacks or watching cartoons while they are there, so they aren't anxious to be anywhere else or be doing anything else.

Several months ago we were driving to my chiropractor appointment and it was a super bad snow storm. I realized the very second that we got on the freeway I would not be able to get all the way there. I had my three youngest kids in the car with me and I got on the freeway at the point of the mountain and got off at the very next exit. Unfortunately that took us through the worst of the storm and up to Bangerter Highway where I turned around and decided NOT to get back on I-15 where cars were spread all over the freeway stalled, stuck in snowbanks, semi trucks were fish-tailing all over the place and that was the LAST place I wanted to be with my sweet kids in the car. We went along a frontage road on the west side of the freeway and soon found that that was NOT the best choice. The roads were in bad condition because they was less traffic and no plows down there and it was icy. There was a stretch of road where there was a cliff on one side and it was a pretty steep downhill grade. Well I was going only about 5 mph but we were going downhill on icy roads so I had no control over the car. There was a semi truck ahead of us that was fish-tailing across both lanes and shaking as it was trying to stop. When I realized that I couldn't stop or slow down I knew that if we didn't run off the road over the cliff by ourselves then the semi would sweep us off the side when we reached it. I called Peter and told him very quickly what was happening and exactly where we were so that if he didn't hear from me would know to bring a rescue crew to search at the bottom of this cliff for us. My heart was racing and as we got closer and closer to this semi I started to pray out loud and asked Maddie and Emily to pray too. Madeline was scared and said, "But Mom, it doesn't work for me. Heavenly Father doesn't answer my prayers. I can't mom!" I assured her that he would answer our prayers right away if we had faith. I continued to pray and do the best I could to keep us far from the cliff and the crazy semi in front of us. We came within about 3 inches of the back of the semi and finally stopped. We were still on the steep grade and still on the icy road, but somehow the car stopped and so did the semi in front of us. I sat there for about 5 minutes still shaking and heart racing. I told Maddie that Heavenly Father answered our prayer and protected us and I asked her to say the prayer to tell him thank you. I called Peter to let him know we were okay and the semi slowly started off in front of us. We gave him a very good head start before we started to finish our trip home. I have never felt so grateful for Heavenly Father's hand in my life.

When we got home I brought all the kids inside and sat down to talk to Maddie about what she had said. I asked her why she didn't think Heavenly Father answered her prayers. (Side note: Madeline says her prayers without prompting every morning and night. She will be late for preschool and running out the door and say, "OH NO! I forgot to say my prayers!" And she runs back upstairs and kneels by her bed, says her prayers and then continues on to school. None of my other kids are this diligent without prompting from us. And so I was confused why she didn't feel like He answered her prayers when she obviously had a firm belief that it was important to pray.) She told me that every night she asks Heavenly Father to "take [her] swallows away". To the best of my knowledge she just has a lot of saliva in her mouth right before she falls asleep and has to keep swallowing and it keeps her from falling asleep right away. She said that she always still has her "swallows" and so Heavenly Father doesn't answer her. We talked about it for a long time and I did my best to teach her but I could tell that she was still hesitant. I shared experiences when Heavenly Father answered my prayers and shared times that he healed me when I was sick and bore my testimony that he ALWAYS hears our prayers and will always answer our prayers we just need to learn to recognize the answers when they come. By this time she was very distracted and I let her go off to play.

I worried that my sweet prayerful Madeline would have her faith shaken because her "swallows" didn't go away when she asked. And found myself praying that Heavenly Father would take her swallows away so that she would know He heard her. I'm pretty sure she still has to swallow before bed (and I told her that that's just a part of having a body - sometimes our body has to do things to keep working correctly and if Heavenly Father changed it then her mouth would get dry and she would have a hard time eating her food and so on). But I've been praying for opportunities to teach her and help her faith to grow. I really feel like being her primary teacher will provide me with countless opportunities to do just that.

I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father who knows me so well and knows just what I need and what will help me to grow. I'm grateful for my sweet children who are always teaching me. I'm so grateful for my wonderful husband who is a constant example to me and who helps me remember who I am and who I can become. He is always lifting me up and encouraging me to be my best. I love him so much and don't know how I would do this without him. I talked about my kids not showing an awful lot appreciation but that is something I could NEVER say about Peter. He loves me more than I think I deserve and he is always the first to come up to me and hug me and tell me how grateful he is for all that I do. I love him so much and am SO blessed to have him by my side.

This has turned into quite the post! Sorry for my ramblings. I guess this is part of the process for me! Thanks for allowing me some "blog-therapy"! And what a great friend you are if you've made it all the way through this lengthy post!